Mitchell Trubisky’s Revenge Tour Starts NOW

The Narrative:

From the depths of Mordor, Mitchell Trubisky has crawled back onto the main stage for a 6 game revenge tour that starts against Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field. He might still be behind the curtain if it weren’t for Nick Foles getting suplexed to the ground like Macho Man Randy Savage, but the fact remains: Mitchell Trubisky will be leading the Bears offense in meaningful games down the stretch. This storybook narrative, not unlike the drama found within Macho Man’s universe of professional wrestling, has been set up for him perfectly. How will he respond? Every Bears fan will have their eyes glued to their screens on Sunday night because Mitchell Trubisky’s revenge tour starts now.

The Schedule:

Game 1: Bears @ Packers (7-3), November 29th, 2020, 7:20 PM

Mitchell against the Pack: 1-4 record, QB rating: 80.0, 4 TD, 3 INT, 6.45 yards/attempt. Verdict: The Packers have humiliated him, and it would be an absolute miracle if he could lead the Bears to victory in this game.

Game 2: Lions (4-7) @ Bears, December 6th, 2020, 12:00 PM

Mitchell against the Lions: 4-2 record, QB rating: 106.0, 14 TD, 4 INT, 7.89 yards/attempt. Verdict: Mitchell is currently listed as an owner of the Lions on Wikipedia. He’ll continue that dominance in week 12.

Game 3: Texans (4-7) @ Bears, December 13th, 12:00 PM

Mitchell against the Texans: DNP. Here are the Texans 2020 defensive rankings: 23rd in points allowed/game, 31st in rush yards allowed/game, and 27th in pass yards allowed/game. Verdict: With Watson playing opposite of Maserati Mitch, look for him to step up his game to justify his draft position and dominate a weak defense.

Game 4: Bears @ Vikings (4-6), December 20th, 12:00 PM

Mitchell against the Vikings: 4-2 record, QB rating: 72.5, 2 TD, 3 INT, 5.38 yards/attempt. Verdict: Although he has a winning record, Vikings HC Mike Zimmer has had Mitchell’s number. Their defense has regressed this year though, so look for Trubisky to capitalize on an inexperienced Vikings secondary to steal one in Minnesota.

Game 5: Bears @ Jaguars (1-9), December 27th, 12:00 PM

Mitchell against the Jaguars: DNP. Here are the Jaguars 2020 defensive rankings: 29th in points allowed/game, 24th in rush yards allowed/game, and 28th in pass yards allowed/game. Verdict: The Jags are worthless. Chalk this one up as a W.

Game 6: Packers (7-3) @ Bears, January 3rd, 12:00 PM

Unless Mitchell morphs into Drew Brees like Ryan Pace originally envisioned, this will likely be Trubisky’s last game as a Chicago Bear. How crazy would it be, though, to predict the Bears finishing the season with a win against the Packers, a 10-6 record, and a playoff birth? Maybe even a franchise tag for an evolved QB that flipped a switch after getting benched? The opportunity to see this manifest is why we watch the game. A story of redemption and revenge. A chance for magic. All the Mitch haters that want to see him fail can pound sand. Go get ’em kid.

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2 Responses

  1. Rob D says:

    What? No mention of the Bears offensive offensive line? It’s going to be hard for Trubisky to have the last laugh with the laughable offensive offensive line. First offensive is an adjective. The second is a noun.

    • Admin says:

      LOL thanks for the “offensive” clarification. I didn’t want to get into every reason that a glorious return will be unlikely (OL being one of them) because all of the problems are already well known and its kind of a downer. This was more of a hype piece. Unrealistic? Sure. But fun to think about.

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